Marriage- long term, short term, good or bad is a human institution not likely to go away anytime soon. At its best is provides love, true friendship,much fun and great security to life.
We all know what its like at its worse, right? Even if you’ve never been married, you have seen it- yow!
I need to point out that I respect those who do not marry. Staying single is just what is right for some, as well as many other living arrangements people choose. Just writing about my own path here.
I am in a long term marriage of 30 plus years. I married very young by today’s standards, and have survived and mostly thrived within this union of two. Art sort of brought us together in the first place.
D and I met at a college frat party, on April Fool’s Day, LOL! We did not have much interest in each other that evening, but re-met at a later party. That night at the party we spoke of many things, including our mutual love of art. We “clicked” this time. Later he brought me a sketch, of Bacchus, and asked if I could help him turn it into a drawing for a stained glass piece he wished to create. I said sure-
And so it went… we married a year and two months later.
We worked and played hard, got a cat, got a dog, got a house, had two kids. We hiked and remodeled, struggled with money and car problems, played and fought. Lived.
We have worked on many projects together, with collaboration of ideas, each contributing their own skill set. My husband is a skilled wood craftsman, creating fine furniture as well as guitars. Here are two of his works; I had the privilege of designing inlay for one, painting the other.
You can see more of his talented work at his facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.310278829016714.83238.298549460189651&type=3
My partner also has been of vast assistance in my own art pursuits; cutting mats for display, helping me set up for shows, technical help, critiquing art, believing in me.
My kids grew up, and as they found a partner to start their own families, I gave them my advice- wanted or not, they got it.
Marriage is a serious joining of your two lives forever. It springs from love and attraction, that is good and natural. It must also grow into great friendship, for that will lead you back to one another when you have troubled times. Life can certainly throw challenges at you!
Troubles will come. You will become irritated with the other, angry at their actions and words. Discuss it, work on solutions, be ready to compromise, back off, let it go. Pick your battles. Remember the love you hold in your heart even when it grows quiet. Troubles will pass, solutions be found if you keep working on it.
Work is a key word here, marriage doesn’t just happen. You have to work, very hard at it. That continues for life. But communicate the good as well as the bad. Think about making your partner happy, remembering what they like to do, hear, feel. Make realistic plans for the future with them and dream about what you both wish for, are willing to work for.
Remember to schedule fun. Even if you are broke you can drive to a park, take a bike ride, hike, have a picnic. Pack a tent and go camping-
When you make this commitment to another person, you are taking on a whole new entity; the marriage. It is a separate thing from you or partner. It is an idea, a promise, a place to line with softness and security. A haven place where you give and receive support, have each others back, a precious thing you build together. It is of great value. Protect it. Nurture it. Make it your unique own, to please you both. So worth it to do the building, maintenance work, marriage can be a joy.
Remember yourself too. You are the intelligent, special person who attracted this wonderful partner- keep that special person nurtured too. Learn, grow, have your own interests too. Be willing to share them, but keep yourself good for you. And be willing to give your partner space for their interests as well. You both need to be able to respect yourselves.
When the love you feel for your partner waxes and wanes, do not be alarmed, this just happens. The waning will pass. When you want to scream and yell with frustration at the other’s illogical actions, take some space, write a note, take a walk, then when calm talk it out. Don’t let resentment build silently, that is dangerous to unity. Work it out. Be kind.
They say don’t go to bed angry- well maybe they can tell me how to work that out. Two angry, tired people are probably not going to find a great solution late at night. Talk it out the next day, you’ll both be calmer.
Marriage has become valuable to me as my own endures. Within it I have a great friend who really knows me, will back me up, make plans and live them with me. We respect each other, support each other in our individual struggles with this often harsh world. We still have to work to listen to the other, understand what the other’s words mean, but we do get through most of the time. It is just so valuable, a treasure to know we Have each other. Happy, sad, sick, well, someone it there to love and care. My life is much richer for having my partner in it, for having our marriage and all we have built it into. All these years later we still love each other.
My grown child, I wish the same for you in your marriage. Be friends. Work it out. Have a lot of fun together. Work it out. Be kind. Remember the love.
What do you think? What would you add?
Hope you all are having a great day-